The Contrast Principle
Live life in the contrasts
I talk a lot about the importance of embracing stress in your life. That is easier said than done. As you begin to embrace stress you will need some tools to help you, because putting stress on yourself is not easy to do. You need something that can help you mentally take on the stress. The most helpful thing for me has been the contrast principle which I lay out in this post.
The Principle
If you are looking to enjoy life more I have found one principle that is guaranteed to work. In fact people who live their lives by this principle probably don't even know they are doing it. They have found it organically and don't need to articulate it but if they could put it into words they would realize that what they are feeling is exactly this. I call it the contrast principle and it is a fundamental to life. The principal is this:
Something ordinary can become extraordinary when it is preceded by something stressful.
I know this is an oversimplification but it needs to be simple and memorable. Its also better understood through stories and illustrations because on first reading it probably doesn’t make sense. But trust me, you cant help but fill in the stories with your own times that you encountered this principle.
How I First Discovered the Principle
How I discovered this principle is rather unglamorous. Its not some life changing adventure I had that altered my life but a series of ordinary events. I grew up working on staff at a summer camp. My favorite job was to run the chainsaw. We had acres of forest and there was more things to cut than I ever had time for. I would spend hours in the 100 degree Kansas heat cutting wood and getting covered in dirt, sweat, oil and woodchips. My limbs would be vibrating and my muscles aching. I would put up my saw at the end of the day, rinse off and jump into the pool. The kids would be coming from the snack shack hopped up on sugar, laughing and having a generally good time. They were enjoying the pool but I was enjoying it 100x more.
Why? Because of the contrast.
I didn't have a name for it, I just felt it. I didn't even realize I what I was doing. One day the director pointed it out. By working as hard as I did I was experiencing a feeling that only a rare few get to experience. That feeling is a contrast between two states of being. He said remember in life that a shower always feels better when you are sore, sweaty and dirty.
I next encountered the feeling while helping my friend move out of his grandma's basement. He had been renting the basement from her for a bit but was moving on. In typical single guy fashion the room was less than tidy. In fact it was a wreck. We spent the whole day moving and cleaning. As I was turning off the light I looked back over the room and was so pleased with it. I had spent many of my childhood days in that room and had never once thought about it in that way. But having just taken it from where it was back to normal I was very pleased just to look at the room. It was in that moment that I realized I wasn't pleased with the room but with the contrast of where it had been to where it was. It was then that I coined the phrase "The Contrast Principle"
Life in the Contrasts
To say that I altered my life completely to embrace this principle would be a stretch. But I was tuned into it. I began to notice it everywhere:
The Sysco burger I had after running out of food in the Grand Canyon was the best I have ever had.
Drinking water after running out of it in the Arizona desert was the best tasting drink I could imagine.
Pizza after 3 days of climbing high mountain peaks in Colorado tastes better than any pizza I could dream up.
Hot tubs are way better after hard workouts when your muscles are sore and aching.
I could go on and on. In fact your brain has probably started listing off its own.
How to Live Life in the Contrasts
I like to joke that a shower just doesn't feel that good after a hard day of watching Netflix on the couch. If you want to turn the ordinary events in your life, like a meal or a shower, into extraordinary ones you have to get out and do things. You have to live in a way that creates contrast. Get sweaty, dirty, sore, hungry and tired. Only then will the contrast be possible.
I chose the word "bad" for a reason because it can apply even to really terrible things that no one should have to go through. I cant speak from personal experience here but people who have had extreme trauma in their life can let it cripple them or live in the contrast of it. People who choose the latter are some of the most driven and enjoyable people to be around. To them just waking up in the morning can be an incredible experience.
So to live life in the contrast you must do 2 things. First you must choose to do difficult things in your life. You must resist the appeal of the couch and the life of ease. You have to work hard. And secondly you have to choose to live in the contrast of traumatic events. Rather than letting them cripple you, let them be the fuel that lets you enjoy the very air you are breathing.
So go, and live life in the contrasts.
If you liked this, consider subscribing to my Substack. I publish an article about software engineering and software engineering management every Tuesday. If you want even more, consider joining my paid content where I am writing a course in real time about making the jump from developer to manager